Percy Jackson and the Girl who Loved Cheesecake
by marigoldmystery528
Summary: If you were stuck in the Underworld for thirteen years, and had never had anything not soggy to eat, you would crave cheesecake as much as Adrianne. This is my first fanfic, so please read and review! Disclaimer: I do not own PJO. Sadly.
1. Chapter 1: Cheesecake and Chili

Chapter 1: Cheesecake, Raspberries, Sandwiches, and Chili

I love cheesecake.

And how do I know that I love cheesecake?

Well, one time, I found a bit floating in the River Styx. So I fished it out with the net I had made, just for fishing stuff out of the Styx. And then I fought Chili for it. And then I won. And then I ate it – the cheesecake, not Chili. Yay for me!

Soggy cheesecake doesn't taste as bad as you might think. I was going about my life one day – if you can call it a life – trudging forever through darkness, trapped in the midnight of the Underworld, when – bam! – cheesecake came like a blazing meteor, lighting up my world.

For those of you who don't know (I'm not sure why you would know, but it sounds coolio), my name is Adrianne. Adrianne Aldara Alcina. I will insist upon that name, since it is what my now deceased mother named me, even though my daddy dearest wants to call me something else entirely.

And, you may ask, who are my parents?

Well, my mother was the nicest person on earth. The operative word being _was_. I don't really remember much about her, since daddy dearest ran off with me as soon as I was born. But I know that she was a kind woman. Judging from my looks, probably of Asian descent. From my last name, Greek. Although perhaps she called be Alcina – strong-willed – just to spite daddy dearest.

My daddy dearest, by the way, is Kronos, the Titan of Time. I capitalized time because it looks better that way. So. Either way. He is not a nice parent. I call him daddy dearest just because it makes him mad, and his face looks like a tomato when he's mad. It's quite hilarious, actually.

I'm not really your typical demigod, since I really am more of a demi-titan, so I'm more immortal than not. Which is why I can eat cheesecake from the Styx. I wonder what raspberry cheesecake taste like. James – some dead boy who I talked to once – said that I really should try it sometime. I've been watching the Styx. It really is nothing spectacular, though I recently discovered that chocolate chip cookies are not all that bad soggy, either. Go figure.

Anyways, I was hiding from Kronos. As usual. Since the infamous (at least here in Tartarus) Perseus Jackson dusted him, Kronos has been out for revenge. He promptly turned to me, his last living descendent, to host him, but I kind of…refused him. Forcefully. So I've been hiding from him ever since. Because he seriously needs some anger management classes, you know.

This particular non-day (there really aren't any days in the Underworld) I was fishing in the Styx with Chili. Another one of my favorite foods. Well, he was actually called Achilles, but I hadn't been able to say that when I was little, or when daddy dearest broke my jaw, hence the nickname. Besides, Achilles sounded more like a sneeze than a name. (Yes, Chili sounds a great deal more like a type of food than a name. No, I do not care).

"Anything good?" Chili asked, watching me watch the river. "You know those little remote controlled helicopters?" Sane Greek demigods should not be obsessed with toys. Unfortunately, there weren't very many sane people in the Underworld…

"Look!" I shrieked, pointing behind us. Chili fell for it. He whipped his head around, drawing his blade, and I jumped into the river for something that looked edible, but soggy. Had I ever eaten anything not soggy?

I could see Achilles fuming and whipping my net about furiously, but he was too mortal to actually swim in the Styx. I thought it to be best for my health to eat the – sandwich, I think – underwater. Surely I could hold my breath long enough…

Look! An earring! Ooh, sparkly…

Ahem. Anyways. I'm just as ADHD as any demigod, if not more…

Now, where was I?

As I leisurely floated in the Styx, something caught my eye. It was a sword. Not that there weren't tons of old Greek swords in the river, but this one just…caught my eye. Maybe it was more sparkly than other swords. Either way, it looked pretty lethal. I began entertaining thoughts of re-dusting daddy dearest.

Without even thinking about it, I kicked closer to the sword and grasped the hilt before streaking to the surface for a much needed gulp of (stale, but still) air.

Chili, incidentally, did not seem to be too pleased with me. I have no idea why. Boys are weirdos.

"That was my sandwich! You stole my sandwich! You know where thieves go when they die?" he howled in my face, hefting his big fat sword – the one I had dubbed Bob, since Ancient Greek names are all long and annoying – and then he charged.

I leaped lightly aside. Small, light, and quick on my feet – that was me. Big, heavy (you could also call it other things), strong, and armed – that would be Chili. Wait, I was armed, too.

Sidestepping another blow, I examined the blade. I supposed it was well balanced in my hand, but big fat swords were Chile's forte, not mine. I would be just as slow as him with such a heavy blade. Useless thing. Of course, most things in the Styx are broken beyond repair.

And then I looked up, and saw that it was too late. Chili was already swinging his sword down towards me, standing only two feet away. Hasn't he ever heard of chivalry? Weirdo. I braced to be hit. It would hurt for a few hours. One day, tops. Ichor was useful. Ambrosia was useful. Chili was not.

And then, lightning fast, I parried and lunged forward with what had been a heavy sword only seconds ago. I froze with the point of my epee mere millimeters from Chili's hot spot, as I liked to call it. His mortal spot. His Achilles tendon.

Chili gaped at me, his mouth flapping open like a fish. Hmm, fish. I had had a pet goldfish once, but it had died. Well, he had died before getting lost in the Styx. Long story.

"You – you – you," Chili stuttered.

"Am amazing? Why, thank you. Have been practicing? Not really, actually. Just became the first demigod to touch a French weapon? I'm not a demigod, you ninny. Look really hot when I'm fighting? Keep your head screwed on, dear Chili, or I might have to find you a skeleton psychologist."

"Er," said Chili, turning the color of raspberries. (Cheesecake…)

"You're better," said someone behind me. "But not good enough."

I whirled around to face someone I had hoped never to see again. Kronos.


	2. Chapter 2: Die Daddy Dearest

_**Author's Note: Sorry this is a really, really short chapter. Thanks to Skyclaw for reviewing! Please read and review! Because if you don't review, then there won't be any chapters coming anytime soon…**_

Chapter 2: Die Daddy Dearest

Have you ever had an encounter with a white-hot iron coming at your arm at about sixty miles an hour? Well, let's just say that it hurts, and leave it at that.

The swim in the Styx helped; my arm healed up right away. It was like partial invulnerability. Which is an oxymoron. Do you like oxymorons? I do. They're coolio, but not as coolio as cheesecake, since you can't eat them.

Where was I? Right. Partial invulnerability.

But Kronos had me now, and he would not be letting me go. Chili had disappeared. You couldn't really blame him, but seriously, that boy had never heard of chivalry. But then and again, I've never seen chivalrous chili before.

"Ungrateful daughter. Fah! You are no daughter of mine," fumed Kronos. He was actually barely there, and with a spirit for a host at that, but it was enough for him to wander in the Underworld already. It evidently wouldn't be long before the third titan war.

"Whatever you say, daddy dearest," I rolled my eyes, earning a fist in the face, which didn't hurt. Suckers.

It had been this way for years. Kronos with his formal language and incessant anger (I tried signing him up for anger management classes once. It didn't work out too well), pretty much being a very bad daddy and me, with my smart-alecky comments and attitude. Why yes, I suppose you could call us a dysfunctional family.

But I had more than a sharp tongue and an attitude. I had a hair ribbon, which could transform into an epee. Yep, how awesome was that? A little sword against the titan of time.

"You are just like you mother. Always the attitude. Useless women," Kronos muttered.

"Don't stereotype," I snapped. "And don't insult my mother." I had said just that countless times before. But this time it was different. Like, I had a lethal hair ribbon, and I was going to conquer the world. And no one insulted my mother.

"Insolent little [something that should not be printed.] Your mother was a [don't bother filling in the blank], and you know it."

I was not angry. I was past angry. Not even the stupid lord of time insulted my mother. My eyes blazed amber, glowing in the gloom of the Underworld. "No one," I informed him through my teeth, "insults my mother. Not even you, daddy dearest." And then I drew my oversized toothpick. And attacked.

_**Author's Note: Do you like cliffhangers? I personally hate cliffhangers but like ominous-sounding endings to chapters. I didn't really notice that it was a cliffhanger, but my dear counterpart said that it was. Sorry. Don't worry; I'll update soon, as long as you review. Now go review my story. Just one quick comment. Because you know, the question about cliffhangers was not rhetorical…**_


	3. Chapter 3: In Which I Am Coolio

_**Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it! Guess what, majorgLeek1397? It's not a cliffhanger this time! Wait, is it? Let me check…**_

_**Anyways. Read and review, please! Thanks to the abovementioned (don't you love that word?)majorgLeek 1397 for reviewing!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO. Rick Riordan does. **_

Chapter 3: In Which I Am Coolio

It was a hopeless fight.

I knew it was hopeless even when I started fighting. He would defeat me easily with his stupid time-controlling skills, and then stick me in a stupid cage, and then make me his stupid flunky with his stupid titan mind controlling powers. How stupid was that? You can't even fight against stupid titans. Perseus Jackson did, of course, but he was – you know – the legendary Perseus Jackson. He didn't count. Stupid titans. _Stupid_ titans.

I have such a colorful vocabulary, don't I?

Either way, Kronos had locked my epee with his newest scythe in mere seconds. He bore down, bending my blade at a dangerous angle. "Foolish girl. Did you actually think that you could defeat me? The lord of time?" Just to me obnoxious, he slowed me down so that I was barely moving and pulled back, taking a breather. "Just like your [a word frequently heard in truck stops] mother. A little [nothing anyone ever wants to be called]."

Something inside me snapped.

"DIE DADDY DEAREST!" I shrieked at him, taunting with the alliteration. Wind whipped my hair as time and space began to warp around me. The epee in my hand turned to a scythe.

Kronos' eyes widened. He mouthed something that looked like "black binder." If that was actually what he said, then you can tell where I get the ADHD from. Look, a squirrel!

ADHD or not, I used his temporary distraction to shove him halfway into a nice little time/space portal, shoving the sharp edge of the scythe under his chin. He exploded into his true immortal form. I met his stare, and we stared daggers at each other before he collapsed back into some dead demigod boy, little more than a teenager, with blonde hair and a white scar stretching down one cheek. Blood drenched his left side.

"Stupid…girl…" he breathed, exhausted by his powers. You can see where I get all my (one) expletives.

"Surrender, while you still have the chance. Pledge your allegiance to me by the River Styx," I informed him coldly, allowing no mercy to show in my eyes. My hair still whipped in the wind, portals leading to not nice places swirling all around me, time and space flexing and bending in my very presence.

Oh, I was such a coolio demi-titan.

"NEVER!" Kronos yelled, his form glowing golden, but then the light died. He had not quite yet recovered from the Jackson boy, evidently.

"Do it," I ordered in Ancient Greek, digging the edge of my scythe harder into his chin. "Or else I will shove you through this portal into another dimension, dust you there, and then leave you for all eternity." I felt my lips curl into a mirthless smile as I nicked his neck, just to make my point.

Kronos gasped for air. "Never," he rasped.

"You already said that, _Dummkopf _(1)," I pointed out, shoving him the whole way through the portal. I leaped lightly in after him and sealed the portal behind me. Or at least pretended to; I actually left a little hole. You know, just in case I wouldn't be able to find my way back.

I seized my daddy dearest by the collar and touched the tip of my scythe to his side, where someone had clearly already stabbed him once. I felt sorry for the poor blonde ghost host. Hey, that rhymes!

Anyways.

"Last chance," I told Kronos. No bluff. No fear. Absolute certainty. With eyes cold enough to (hopefully) make a titan beg for mercy. Hmm, I wonder how chocolate cheesecake tastes…Ahem. So. Back to daddy dearest.

"I-I swear allegiance to you, upon the mighty River Styx," Kronos finally capitulated. He would obviously try and weasel his way out of it later. It was as full of holes as Swiss cheese. Stupid titans. Stupid lawyers. Stupid loopholes. Stupid – you get the point.

"'Kay," I told him. "Go back to Tartarus. And leave the poor boy."

Kronos gave me a nasty look. I opened him a portal right to Tartarus and kicked him in before carefully sealing it. I actually sealed it this time, just for the record, you know.

"Be free," I whispered to the blonde spirit in Ancient Greek. Just ritual and stuff.

"Thanks," he mouthed at me as he floated through my reopened portal into the Underworld and disappeared.

As I watched him leave, I wondered if he had ever had chocolate cheesecake.

_**German for "ninny." I stole it from **_**Leviathan**_**, which I don't own, either. Scott Westerfeld owns that.**_

_**Author's Note: I have a new tactic: don't review. Please, please, please don't review, or else my cyber-bunnies will hunt you down and throw cheesecake in your faces! Muahahahaha!**_


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